3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
