I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
