Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
