somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
