i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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