ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
