Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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