I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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