happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
