First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
