i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
