I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
