Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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