shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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