if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
