My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
