i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
