we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
