I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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