Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
