I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
