I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
