Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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