My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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