what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
thus making me awesome and them whores
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
