I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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