I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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