Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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