You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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