I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
