another moral hangover. fuck.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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