its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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