I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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