She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
