If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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