She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We had sex on a dog bed..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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