I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
