the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
