Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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