I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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