when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
