Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
