i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we're so committed to being not committed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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