Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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