anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
