were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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