dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
