Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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