The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize