My room smells like vodka and shame
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
