We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
