youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize