I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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