i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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