we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
