are you still at the devil's house?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
