chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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