That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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