1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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