See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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