or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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