How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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