I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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