This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
