Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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