Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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