you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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