I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am mentally ready for anal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize