I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
