Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
