Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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